Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Randomize
