you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
