can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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