i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
