so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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