im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
