Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
