Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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