Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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