This is not my ceiling
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
