i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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