Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
