i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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