The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I pour the whiskey from now on
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
