ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
