unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
