winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He has the fingertips of a God
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
