Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
