Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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