420 ftw
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
porn star boner night. come get it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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