Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
