even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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