I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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