You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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