It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
