SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
