I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
