Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
