I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
