Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
