I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
