so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
