if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
