Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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