as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
