I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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