Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your cock deserves a montage
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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