a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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