I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
