I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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