the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
