The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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