a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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