im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
