Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
