Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
