I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
