I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
