rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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