Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
