shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
