The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The beer is more important than you right now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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