I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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