separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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