i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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