I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My vagina is officially offended.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
