Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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