she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
