I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
