EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
