He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
