I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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