well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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