Jerry, you need to find god
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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