shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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