I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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